Scenes From An Idiot's Marriage

The phone rang Sunday morning as we were getting ready for church.

I answered it. Turns out one of the ladies from church wanted to talk to my wife.

"Honey," I called up the stairs. "It's Nelsonia Depew* on the phone."

"Oh, from church?" she asked.

"No, it's adult film superstar Nelsonia Depew," I replied.

As my buddy, Bernie says, "How does she stand it?"

*Note: This is not the woman's name, but it is almost as distinctive.